birds inside the shrinkwrap

by Ruby Porter

take it off and

take a breath

these lines were wandering around all day

before they found it

took a seat

and started to sip

it was a little lane off from the main road

we went down and i remember

the way the light shone through you

like you weren’t even there

it was only a trick

love

it was only that morning

frost sliding off forearms

and cheeks made of

freckles

it was actually

only

the sound

that was everywhere

we had it wrong love

wasn’t meant to feel like that

when did we get so heavy

my words can’t lift themselves

but throw    anyway

poems shouldn’t be about

something

i agree now

 the counsellor didn’t believe me when i said i had an anger problem

that would frustrate me too

she said

if she packed the dishwasher wrong

but that was about my mother

and lately

i’ve noticed

there’s a sign sellotaped outside her office

telling me to

find     

another and

she hasn’t being opening my messages

or reading the emails

you need to stop calling

it isn’t

professional

though really

if i’m honest

i didn’t go back once

 there was a patient bathroom too small to cry in

and behind all the doors

another door

and behind that

someone who might hear me

i had told her the story

about me when i was three

wanting to cut a hole in the ceiling

so that it could snow on the tree

that must’ve been hard for you

did she ever get angry

back

like i said

only when i wouldn’t stop

the ringing

sound

of metal

there were birds inside the shrinkwrap

shaking all the scaffolding

i’ve been saving up the image

he gave me

look

he said

as he pointed to their

screeching

that would be great for your book

but maybe i’ll put it in my next one

if i remember to ask her

we were sat drinking vbs

and    i’m told

my friend has been seeing dead birds everywhere

she takes it as a sign

once

when she was eleven

she watched a whole family of ducks be run over by a van.